Are Your Asking Terrible Questions?

Who do we think directs a conversation? The person doing all the talking or the person asking the questions. If you said the person asking the question you are correct. That person is the one who controls the focus and direction of the conversation.

So using questions is also how we direct the conversation in our minds. Our minds are always going. We are always thinking, even when we are sleeping. Our minds are stilling working and thoughts are streaming. We can't stop the flow of our thoughts any more than we can stop a raging river. But we can redirect them. The way we redirect our minds and our thoughts is with questions. But the trick is we need to ask the right questions.

Have you ever asked yourself the following questions: Why can't I get this? What is wrong with me? Why am I so, fill in the blank with terrible attributes, e.g. dumb, fat, lazy, not good enough, boring, lacking in self-control, etc. (I used to ask these types of questions all the time. I won't just ask them once. I would ruminate on them for days and feel terrible the entire time.)

The problem is that when we ask a question like, "Why can't I get this right?" You mind will answer that specific question. "Why am I so dumb?" Your mind will tell you exactly why we are so dumb. The problem is the answers to that questions are not the answers that we really want. Do we really want to know WHY we are so dumb? Do we really need to stir more evidence about the fact that we are dumb? These questions do not lead to productive answers. What we really what to know the solution to our problem. Then how can we go about implementing a solution. However, when we ask a question like "Why am I so dumb?" The only answers we will get is more evidence and examples of how and where we have been dumb in the past. Those answers will not inspire us to action. They only makes us feel terrible about ourselves. What are the questions that you have been asking that are making you feel terrible? Where have you been asking these types of questions?

Our minds are like a search engine. You ask it a question and it will find the exact thing that it is asked to find. Our minds will search and search for examples, reasons, or the evidence of our problem. We are dumb because we didn't go to the right school, genetics, things just don't work out for us, etc. Now that we have that answer what are we going to do with this information? For most of us the only action we take is to feel terrible about ourselves. Then to make ourselves feel better we will participate in all sorts of behavior that may in the short term make us feel better but is not going to move our lives forward. Personally, I would eat something, watch TV, clean something. Short term pleasure or distraction, but not the types of actions that solved the problem or moved my life forward.

How do we know if we are asking terrible disempowering questions? We know by how the answers make us feel. If we feel terrible with the answers then it is a bad disempowering question. So if we can ask terrible questions that make us feel terrible, we can also ask empowering questions that help us to feel amazing. If the answers make us feel good, empowered, inspired, and motivated then it is a good question. This is good news. This means we have the power to direct our thoughts toward positive intentions and positive results. We only need to know how to ask the right questions.

We want solutions, not reasons or more evidence for why things are not going the way we want them. If you are trying to fix a bad situation, then asking why we are in this situation may not produce the best action plan to get out of it.

I hear you saying, "OK Ken I get it, Those are not good questions. How do I ask a better question?" Let me explain using this example. A friend of mine is in the process of releasing an online course. Here is an example of a terrible question they might asks themselves and how they might ask some better questions.

Terrible Question: What if no one buys my online course?
Answer: terrible things will happen. Or at least nothing good will happen for me or my audience which is not the result I want.
Terrible Feeling that question produces: image of $0 on my sales report; feeling anxious about the release of the course; feeling terrible about the possibility of no sales.

Better question. How can I increase the probability that people will buy?
Answer: Well if I know that people buy things that solve problems for themselves, then the better questions are:

• Do I know what problems they are trying to solve?
• How well does my course solve those specific problem?
• How can I best communicate how it solves those problems to my audience?

Answers that become their action plan:

• Talk to people and ask if this is a problem they are interested in solving
• Ask a few of them to review the course to test how effective it is in solving that problem
• If needed, rework course to increase effectiveness
• Test some communication about the solution in the marketplace
• Who can they partner with to increase the exposure to the message

If they had just stayed on what if no one buys, none of those ideas would have happened. They would have been stuck on all the problems that would occur and how badly they would feel knowing all the work that went into the program and that no one bought it. But with better questions, they realized there are things they could do to improve the impact the course that would increase the probability of sales.

Still struggling with some better questions? Here are a few generic examples that I hope help. Take these and adjust them to make them work for you:

• What is one thing I can do to improve the situation?
• What is one thing I can do to reduce the probability of this bad thing from happening?
• What is one thing I can do to improve the probability of this good thing happening?
• Who do I know that can help?

Conclusion
We know how to use search engines better than we know how to use our own brain, so it is no wonder that we struggle so much. We are typically not searching for actions that lead to success, we are searching for evidence of why our lives are the way they are. By asking better questions we can create a better plan. So now that we know all this, what are some better questions we can ask ourselves to produce those answers that empower us; that leads us into action? When we do this we will find that our moods, our mindset, and our action plans will begin to change in a more positive direction.