Control Your Meanings. Control Your Feelings. Control Your Life.

Have you ever noticed how two people who read the same article can derive two totally different meanings from it? Have you ever texted someone and they didn't text you back right away? What meaning did you apply to the reason that didn't text you back right away? 

You have zero information other than the fact they haven’t texted back yet. Well you might think it means that the other person is angry with you and doesn't want to text you back. "Why would they be anger? I wonder what I said or did to make them angry. Maybe it's something I didn't do. Maybe it was yesterday when I want to lunch and didn't ask them if they wanted anything. Or maybe they didn't like something I said in the text. Maybe they have never liked me and I will need to find a new job because I don't want to work around people who hate me." Now your emotions are spinning out of control.

Or

Maybe they haven't texted you because they put their phone down for two seconds and haven't seen your text yet. "Oh, that is a possibility." 

If you applied the meaning that they are currently busy your emotional state will be completely different than if you thought they were angry with you. Maybe at first you thought they were avoiding you but then applied the meaning that they will get back to you when they have a moment, that process of looking at the situation from a different perspective and applying a different meaning is called Reframing.

By applying a different meaning to something you have reframed the meaning in your mind. Nothing about the situation has changed, only the meaning. Which changes how you feel about it. Reframing isn’t about pretending that something is good or neutral when it isn’t. It is about keeping things in perspective. What is another way to look at this? Maybe you needed to pay more in taxes this year. What could be good about that? You could think, “I must have made more money last year.”

When Viktor Frankl was in a Nazi concentration camp, witnessing the horror and atrocities, he decided the meaning he was going to apply to his situation and how he was going to respond. He quotes, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." He is quoted as saying, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Frankl is saying that things will happen to you and to others, but it is how we respond that makes the difference. And the meaning that we apply to the situation is as least in part responsible for how we feel about it and how we choose to respond. 

Frankl had decided the meaning of his suffering. He needed to finish his manuscript, "Man's Search for Meaning." Everyday he learned more lessons about the suffering of the human spirit. He thought he must survive in order to complete his work and give his manuscript to the world. His manuscript has sold over 10 million copies in 24 languages. 

So whenever your thoughts are spinning you up, you can stop and think about what meaning you can apply to a situation. 

• What does this mean? 
• What else could it mean? What else?
• What can I learn from this?
• How will this make me better or stronger?
• What could be good about this?
• How can this be turned into an advantage for me, my family, my team, my company?

The point is that you decide the meaning of every situation, event, or thing. Don't just react. You decide how to feel about it because of the meaning you apply to it. You have that power today and you have always had it. Now that you realize that you have this power, you can begin to harness it. You can control it like a superhero learns how to harness their power. How will you wield this power? The benefit of doing this is changing how you feel. By changing how you feel you will certainly act and behave differently.

If you want to be a old bitter curmudgeon, or a young bitter curmudgeon for that matter, and be miserable all the time, that’s fine as long as you DECIDED that is what you want. But if you prefer not to be a curmudgeon, be aware of the meanings you apply to situations. Look for other meanings and perspectives or what could be good about a situation. You still may need to deal with problems but if you apply a better meaning, your feelings will follow, and you can control how you move your life forward.