Be You. Be the person you are, not the person you think others want you to be.

I was in the locker room changing into my Taekwondo uniform and I thought to myself, “Why do these kids like me so much?”

 I had just arrived at the dojang and performed my usual greeting of bowing. But after the bowing and before I could take my shoes off, several kids in the class had run up to give me a hug. This wasn’t the first time this happened, but it was the first time that I realized that something was different about my relationship with the students.

 When I first became an instructor, I put on my instructor persona, which was that of a drill sergeant barking out orders to the students. I developed this persona because, in my mind at least, that is what an instructor needs to do. It is how I felt I was taught.

 The only problem was that was not me. I am not a drill sergeant. In fact, it took a whole lot of energy to put on that persona and it never felt good or right. So, as I became more comfortable in the instructor role, I slow started to bring myself into the instructor role. I like to have fun and thought that learning martial arts should be fun. I began to make class a bit more fun, and would make comments to make the kids laugh, though most of my jokes were aimed at the parents sitting in the back in the room, some of which were actually paying attention.

 I noticed the students were responding better, move faster, and actually do what I was telling them to do. I was having fun, so they were having fun. I didn’t know that before when I wasn’t having fun, the students were not having fun either or learning as much.

 But it wasn’t until I was sitting in the locker room that day that I realized what was actually happening. I wasn’t being me as an instructor and the students knew it. But they also didn’t know who was me. I had hidden it behind my drill sergeant persona. It wasn’t until I shed that persona, mostly because it was just too hard for me to keep it up. I started to think that I was a terrible instructor. Actually I was a terrible instructor at that time, but not because I didn’t know WHAT TO DO. It was because I didn’t know WHAT TO BE. It wasn’t until I decided to BE ME that everything changed.

 Here’s where it gets really interesting. I asked myself, “Where else am I putting on a persona of the person, I thought I needed to be in my life.” After careful examination and reflection, I realized I was doing this in many other areas of my life. I began to let the true me come out more. I realized the person that people always wanted me to be, was me. Not some quintessential character from central casting. That is boring and predictable.

 I not only became a better martial arts instructor, but a better father, a better husband, a better son, a better leader at work, and more impactful contributor at the office. To say that this discovery had a great impact on my life is a colossal understatement.

 So, where are you being the person that you think people want you to be that isn’t really you? Take some time and ask yourself, “Am I showing up as me, or am I showing up a character you see on TV and movies. How can I add my true self into this role or position? You see, we think we know what people really want, but I can tell you that we are often wrong.

 I know it can be scary to be you, the true you, the authentic you. It’s safe to put out the persona, because we don’t feel vulnerable then. Not everyone is going to like the true you. But here what you need to realize. Not everyone likes the fake you either. But when you put out the true you, there will be people that like you a whole lot more, and more importantly, you will like you a whole lot more, because you will be you. At least that was my experience and hopefully your experience as well.